Clean Slates

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This post is all about clean slates.  In May of 2012, I started a book. I wrote 35 pages and I hadn’t opened it since. It has taken me three years to open the file. Something happened that I couldn’t explain, and so I left it unopened sitting there in my documents. I had started it after I had finished teaching special education. I was entirely convinced that I’d write about the unjust, f’d up educational system and how teaching was where I learned zen meditation.

When, I opened this story again three days ago all I did was cry. I sat there and cried. I re-read some of the stories about the kids I taught and my heart was broken all over again. I re-read about the anger, frustration, and the unbelievable that happened on a daily basis. And, I re-read about the love–the love of teaching, and love for my students.

Ready to write again, I sat down and tried to write. I added only one sentence and stopped. Most of what I write comes from a place that I can’t describe. Words are gifted to me simply to be shared. I have no other purpose in my writing, except to share this gift. I sat there staring at my screen asking, “What am I supposed to share? Where are the words?”

I get to start over with a clean slate. Clean slates are blessings and gateways into possibility.

Sometimes, we need to surrender, be brave and let go of our ideas, beliefs, fears, friendships/relationships, patterns, excuses, and anything that’s holding us back. When we wipe the slate clean, we are given new energy to create a new life, and a new story (including double rainbows).

Self-Care Blues

Truth is I feel very busy with a lot of very abundant happenings: work, going to school, teaching yoga, and everything else that has been happening all at once. This happens. We get busy. The mind likes busy. Yet, busy can lead to not taking care of YOU. This is what I’m calling the self-care blues. I admit to being in this pattern more often than not, and maybe most of the time. I couldn’t figure it out for the past few weeks why I was getting cranky and frustrated. I was having the self-care blues. I wasn’t nourishing myself, and taking the time to take care of me, which lead to symptoms of frustration, being crotchety, and overwhelmed. We all have our own ways of expressing this. It’s a pattern, and patterns can be changed. We can rewire our patterns, we just have to do the opposite.

Patterns are like broken bones, they prevent you from moving forward until you are able to heal the pattern. Only broken bones can sometimes show us what needs healing.

I decided to work on this pattern by doing the opposite. For the past week, I’ve made daily commitments to myself. I write down what I am going to do that day for myself. And, I keep it open and free to change. For example, yesterday my commitment was to go for a 20-minute walk, but the painting I had been working on kept calling to me. So, I decided to spend 20-minutes working on my painting. The other day it was to meditate for 30-minutes and give myself Reiki. Each day is different and each commitment will be different, and keeping it organic with your needs day to day will make it more nourishing for you.

My suggestion from my experience is to keep it simple and light. It doesn’t have to be a serious endeavor. Also, involving your loved ones and friends is helpful, because I have found that they will and can at times keep you on track more than you. My boyfriend now likes to ask me if I’ve kept my commitment for the day. It makes all of the difference. Making a small commitment to yourself like taking a bath, eating a salad, practicing yoga for 10 minutes, walking outside, or watching a funny movie can all be incredibly nourishing and healing. Little steps are like big leaps. We just have to start.