After five minutes of my legs slowly going numb, my body aching, and my teacher saying, “My feet used to do that and they will eventually go straight back in the proper way.” I wondered, how can I stay for another five minutes without fidgeting, without my body holding onto the very physical discomfort I was feeling. Breathe, surrender, stay. Quietly it dissipated. My body was not used to the 10-minute supta virasana it once was. It had been awhile since I held that pose for that length of time. All the while it was an experience with thoughts like, “I really need to come to class more often. I need a babysitter. I need more sleep.” And, the thoughts went on and on for 10-minutes. Really, I can do this. I gave birth without drugs…This was a lesson. I was fighting the present, yet, realizing exactly what I deeply needed–the time and space to stay and rest into myself. I almost fell asleep with tingly-falling asleep legs.
When we learn to stay, we learn that we are resilient, and learn what we are capable of. We also learn to become aware of when it may be time to change course and change direction. When we take the time to relax into the experience we receive the guidance we need. However, when our thoughts keep going and going like a broken Blondie record (Yes, I have a lot of Blondie records.), we can’t hear the truth and cannot be guided. It takes a 10-minute supta virasana to get it.
How often do we stop and stay? Can we stay? Are we ready to listen and take the steps necessary to change directions, if that’s what we need to do for ourselves? Right now, I am reassessing the course I’m taking in my life. Everyday it’s a step in a direction towards my dreams, and some days that’s scary. And, so I pray more.