With trepidation, I went home with my other-half to visit my mom. I hadn’t been back to the East Coast since I left. Truthfully, ever since I left, I have not wanted to go back. My previous life there seemed so far away and like another lifetime. As much as we may accept our loved ones and accept them as they are, somehow it seems like there is always more work to do. After living with my mom for a year, I had come to a place where I accepted her, our relationship, and where she was at in her life. However, after going back home and being with my mom, I realized how there was still this part of me that was struggling to accept my mom’s choices. I want my mom to live a full, happy, and vibrant life, and in my perception this is not what I was seeing. My heart-felt broken, because I felt that I was judging her and her choices.
Why do we have such a hard time accepting those we care about the most as well as accepting ourselves and our own lives? It’s simple to say that if we can learn to accept others than we can move to a greater acceptance of self. I can sometimes catch myself in a place of non-acceptance, and then I have to ask myself what part of myself am I not accepting. This is where the work is. Well, as the universe decided to teach me about acceptance this past week. The lesson-it takes time and is not always that easy.
After I arrived home, I called my mom and decided to have one of those difficult conversations. I decided to be honest with my mom. Life coaching and a once-upon a time blocked and shut down throat chakra taught me that being honest first with ourselves, and then those in our lives can bring us freedom and greater acceptance. Speaking directly to my mom gave both of us the opportunity to be honest, and created a space for acceptance and healing.
I think of how this time of year always brings out family stuff, as if on full display like a plump turkey. Our family gives us the opportunity to practice acceptance of ourselves, and others.
5 Simple Reflections for Acceptance
1. Be patient with yourself and others. This may take time.
2. If you are going to have a difficult conversation, first write down what you want the relationship to look like and visualize it, and then write down what you would like to say. Then, set up a time to talk to the person. I didn’t do this with my mom and I wish that I had.
3. Ask yourself, “What have I not accepted about myself and my life?” Begin here.
4. We tend to project our “wants” for people onto them without them having a say in those “wants” or not realizing that maybe they don’t even want that for themselves, or that it’s just not a part of their path. I am confessing here of doing just this. I realized that in my wanting my mom to make different choices this lead me to not accept her and created more separateness between us.
5. Acceptance may be one of the most worthwhile practices.