It’s a revolution…

It’s a revolution in Sirasana when finally, after 8-years, I actually use my legs in head stand, and connect my big toe mound, meet my inner-heels, and draw my front spine to back spine, and actually use the musculature in my legs to rest for 5-minutes and find that place of balance. Who knew?

It’s a revolution when I see how my practice wavered for one-year, and I would wander wondering what the F*** happened, a hot yogini mess I was..I blamed everything that I could for not practicing…the carpeting, mom’s man-friend, teacher 3hrs away, no money, the time, ahh the comfort of 4AM evenings found in interesting places, and a whole lot of malarkey and excuses. Eventually tired, I’d find me and my mat not in class but alone in a room.

It’s a revolution when I see my patterns and conditions staring back at me as I feel myself fall un-zippering these seams to meet the floor. Shit there is that nag, there is that nag to go hide out withdraw from the group, the nag of loneliness and sadness, the nag of wanting to be somewhere else, the nag of need…Don’t you hate this nag…I do. It’s like I’m on some quest to not feel the nag, so I fight it and then the pattern reappears stronger like never before. Have you ever noticed that? And, I ask okay, I’ve been there done this, what will I do this time differently? I make lists, I get impulsive, cry, make another list, make promises, line my walls with sticky notes to remind me, go shopping, or do other things I won’t mention. I laugh at myself. Love that!

Then, in meeting new friends the revolution is in the sharing of the same story seeing it in the reflection of another’s story but really it’s the same story. Like, I was talking to someone at lunch today, we were eating pineapple, and talking about crystals, prophecies, temples, and energy work…and there it was, she and I had almost the same story but with different landing points. It’s all how it goes, a synchronicity, a dance.

I’ve been in yoga training for almost a month, and so much has happened or not happened. In the container of training, revolution feels safe and supported; yet, when you step out of the container, the true practice begins. There is fear, maybe anxiety or self-doubt, a lack of faith or focus. An, oh shit, now I have to re-enter the “world” or “society.” This is a good space to be, because it sharpens us with each small revolution and opportunity to practice.

Practice is like small revolutions. Here we/I go digging in! Bring it on!

 

 

 

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